Much has been written about personality types by my esteemed colleagues; however, in my many years of experience working with people in relationships, I find that everyone falls in the spectrum of either being “givers” or “takers”. While that may seem very simplistic, it is so true! Let me explain. A giver is a very considerate person who, most of the time, has the frame of mind that asks the question: “How will my behavior affect others?” — In contrast to a taker, who will always think: “What is in for me?” While most people fall within some middle ground of the spectrum, you must be aware of your personality and decide where you fit. This is a good way to develop a strategy for fundamental change and to have a better understanding of how you work in your relationship. Have you ever been in a relationship with a taker? A taker is someone who is cheap their love and money and think of nothing except they can get out of another person.
As previously mentioned, most people do sit into the spectrum of giving versus taking; however, extreme givers and extreme takers can and do exist! Extreme givers are characterized by co-dependent behavior. This means that they put their own needs last and live to please other people. They usually gravitate toward extreme takers in order to people please — this becomes a very dysfunctional relationship. Extreme takers tend to have narcissistic personality traits – meaning they only think of themselves, their needs, and how to take advantage of other people.
Remember, your awareness of yourself and others should help you navigate and live a happier and more productive relationship. Please contact me if you have any experiences you would like to share or have any questions about your relationship or marriage!